Diary of a Crazy White Chick

I got a letter yesterday from the Archdiocese of Arlington VA. My ex-husband wants to anull our marriage that ended ten years ago. After all these years, he decides to traumatize me all over  again.  That bastard. I’m still barely holding it together and now, the only man who ever made a commitment to me…the only one in 44 years of my life, says he never loved me. How hurtful is that?

Why am  I not commitment material? Why am I so unlovable? I’m bright, strong, look much younger than my age…I’m  honest, loyal, funny, and have never cheated on any person I have been with. I just want to be loved and love someone back. I have filled my life with a son, a rescued greyhound and a siamese cat. I want love. I yearn for that one person who has to be out there. They just have to be. I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life.

My ex  was very upset that i had a baby during our separation and I have raised a great kid. When he told me his second wife was having a baby, I asked him why he didn’t want to have children with me, and he said, "Because I think Nicole will make a better mother." WELL. I’ve proved him wrong, not only is my son gorgeous, intelligent, empathetic and charming, the picture he showed me of his son… well, let’s say I’ve seen monkeys more attractive.  I’m actually glad I didn’t have kids with him. He makes ugly kids.

He’s a terrible father.  After he left his puppy in a closed up truck on a summer day while he was scoring junk, the dog died. Wisely, his second wife packed up the kid and left him. At that point he discussed how to hide his money to avoid paying child support with the accountant we still both used at the time. Even the accountant was disgusted with his no sense of responsibility. And he’s the Catholic.

I’m contesting the annulment. That marriage existed. It was a great part of my life and my worst. Sure there were bad times, but some of the best times of my life happened as part of being partners with someone who had the same goals in life. I taught him how to dress, cut his hair, improve his speech to disguise his thick Boston accent, act in a better class of people, basically taking the lower middle class out of him. I thought I’d be married forever. I never in a million years thought he would leave ME. He married up.

Oh well. I’m taking a bit  of time off to deal with this. I have to use up four weeks of vacation before July 1st anyway… Wish m well.